I haven’t been able to write for a long time. Unanticipatedly, all the ideas I had and had prepared to write for now seem so mediocre and un-funny.
Sometimes the whole thrill and excitement of doing what’s right isn’t so exciting. Being fervent and purposeful about every choice, hoping every decision does make a difference, doesn’t always feel too effective. And occasionally, the cause itself doesn’t seem as important and the value of each decision appears low.
That’s how I feel today.
But on other days, I feel the a very contrasting opinion - that I must stand my ground, no matter how difficult the situation. So, in an attempt to motivate myself and hopefully someone else, I want to write about one of those incidents. When I really didn’t need to be aware about the environment at all. In fact it should have been the last thing on my mind, but, to everyone's surprise, it wasn’t!
Back in April, I was travelling back from Kerala with my family. The morning of our return I discovered that I had got my period and was furious, nervous, anxious and frustrated at the same time. My period and I aren’t the best of friends.
Regardless, it was a beautiful drive. I was with my mum, dad and my sister, Debbie. We drove by lush fields, tall trees, flocks of migratory birds. The weather was pleasant and I felt a lot happier.
Before long, we were in Coimbatore, and I suddenly started to feel extremely sick.
I was queasy, cramping, dizzy, spinning and nauseated. Before long, I was throwing up and passing out and found myself being pushed into a hospital on a wheelchair.
For a brief moment, I was stuck in a discussion between my mother and the doctors. A nurse was soon wheeling me around the ramps of the hospital. Thankfully Debbie stayed by my side. Mum had to attend to some paper work. I knew my sister was around, so I wasn’t too worried, but not long after that, they took me into the ICU. I was terrified and I didn’t know what to do. Debbie was still outside. They didn’t let her in. I kept telling them I was fine and they didn’t have to take me into the ICU, but I was too weak to say anything sufficient.
Soon I was in a bed with IV needles and medicines flowing into my body. Somewhere in between passing out and trying to contact my best friend, one of the nurses decided I really needed some water. She instructed the other nurses to buy me some bottled water.
It was hilarious- At that moment, I just suddenly gained some unfound energy and managed to tell her in my broken Tamil that I didn’t want the plastic bottle and that my water bottle was with my sister who was standing outside the ICU. I didn’t even know if she was still there, but I just kept telling the nurse that she had to get my bottle from my sister. I told her that she couldn’t and definitely shouldn’t attempt to buy me a plastic bottle. I told her several times. I really didn’t want that plastic bottle. It made me feel sick (as if I wasn’t already.) The poor nurse finally went outside and somehow managed to find my sister among the many attendees and brought me my water bottle. (no wonder all my friend’s call that bottle my boyfriend! But, that’s a story for another day!)
I smiled at the nurse gratefully and passed out again.
If only we were all as determined every single day, right?